Today’s Question.
Why are all the security guards here of inappropriate height/weight proportions?
Most of the security guards here are big ole fatties. Nothing against fat people, I envy the fact that they eat anything they want, live a sedentary lifestyle and sleep a lot, but don’t feel guilty. Seriously though, if you are 5’6” and 300lbs or 6’1” 350 lbs, sure you are a menacing use of valuable space that two other people could happily reside in without invading each others personal space zones, but how, if you had to, could you catch someone? One such security person is so unhealthily obese that he cannot walk more than .5 mph in his orthopedic shoes and has a dedicated handicapped parking spot. I know I sound intolerant, but, I’m just looking for understanding.
They other end of the spectrum is a 19 year old security boy with either a hyperthyroid disorder or an insane metabolism. He is 6’2” and 99lbs. He might be able to catch me if I ran, considering the lack of wind resistance he encounters, but honey, I would snap you limb from limb as you tried flailing me with your spaghetti arms.
Are the security guards here to protect us from outsiders or are they too busy watching us? I would really like to see them in action fighting off a burglar trying to steal trade secrets. Bah!
Why are all the security guards here of inappropriate height/weight proportions?
Most of the security guards here are big ole fatties. Nothing against fat people, I envy the fact that they eat anything they want, live a sedentary lifestyle and sleep a lot, but don’t feel guilty. Seriously though, if you are 5’6” and 300lbs or 6’1” 350 lbs, sure you are a menacing use of valuable space that two other people could happily reside in without invading each others personal space zones, but how, if you had to, could you catch someone? One such security person is so unhealthily obese that he cannot walk more than .5 mph in his orthopedic shoes and has a dedicated handicapped parking spot. I know I sound intolerant, but, I’m just looking for understanding.
They other end of the spectrum is a 19 year old security boy with either a hyperthyroid disorder or an insane metabolism. He is 6’2” and 99lbs. He might be able to catch me if I ran, considering the lack of wind resistance he encounters, but honey, I would snap you limb from limb as you tried flailing me with your spaghetti arms.
Are the security guards here to protect us from outsiders or are they too busy watching us? I would really like to see them in action fighting off a burglar trying to steal trade secrets. Bah!
4 Comments:
At 4:54 AM,
Mike said…
//snip//Nothing against fat people, I envy the fact that they eat anything they want, live a sedentary lifestyle and sleep a lot, but don’t feel guilty.//snip//
dude. i just cant express how wrong that sentence is. i have arthritis. i'm overweight. i fight it every day. i'm on a 1800 calorie a day diet. I STILL GAIN WEIGHT! i cant walk, i cant exercise. i do what i can, and assholes like you are still being assholes. they say a blog reveals the true inner person. well, your inner person sucks.
i waited 30 minutes before continuing, and that comment STILL pisses me off. i even went back to your blog and read the entire post, and its even worse. i hope and pray you develope some physical problem, so i can tell you what a waste of space you are. oh, and you are gonna be bald also. i really hope i never, ever meet you in person, cause you wouldnt like it very much.
go ahead and delete this comment. i dont care. i'm deleting you from my online life. i KNOW we will bump into each other online, and i will again tell you what kind of asshole you are. you are destined to be a bitter old man, alone and as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside. tomorrow i'm going to a shaman friend of mine and have him put a wart curse on you. would you mind sending me some hair as if falls out of your head?
At 8:11 AM,
orbicon perpendaplex said…
Wow. Such anger. Who are you again? If you aren't a security guard, perhaps you would enjoy some therapy.
Be careful, karma's gonna git ya.
At 3:43 PM,
Mike said…
lol and Kharma is gonna slap you so hard, you will have no idea what happened. this just proves what kind of an ass you are.
At 9:08 AM,
THATGUY_HEATH said…
You gotta love those overweight security guards, man! In fact, I would prefer to be chased by one of them should I ever decide to rob Neiman Marcus after hours.
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